Troubadours, VI

It's about time I played a team I'm against. I mean, Azathoth is maddeningly silly, the Scottish are obviously a bunch of no account drunks, the Dipsos are run by Jon, the West Indies team is full of brown people, and Discursive Whiteness is a seriously unfunny joke. This week, though, I'm playing a team that is not only supporting Joe Theeesman, but is coached by Jews. It's a travesty we've let him in the league at all but, afraid of the Alan Dershowitzes of the world, I suppose it was the right thing to do. Anyway, this one we'll call "Unleavened and Bloody" and is sung to the tune of Terry Allen's "Amarillo Highway." I've been singing the chorus for a couple of days now and it's quite empowering. My only regret is not being able to find a rhyme for Aushwitz (though, now that I think of it, I could have coupled it with Dershowitz...next time).

I'm beatin' up on this Jew
He's some guy you mighta knew
Before them horns grew in.
With that nose hooked down
Buyin' everything in town
But there's one thing he can't buy: a win.

Cause I'm a Jew baitin'
Zionist hatin'
Israel spankin'
Temple burnin'
Torah stabbin' Gentile
And he won't have no baby's head
To make up his special bread
All unleavened and bloody.

And he's chargin' you interest
It's higher on Christmas
But at Purim he's gone on vacation
In football he's got no chance
I'm gonna mock his Jew dance
It's cause for lavish celebration.

(repeat chorus)