Troubadours XIV

So, it's come to this: a semi-final match against my old nemesis. I had dearly hoped this would come next week, but the fates are impatient so forced my loss to Erik two weeks ago to set this up. No matter, this will be beautiful to watch...in front of your face. This playoff-themed number is sung to Guy Clark's "L.A. Freeway." Fuck you all; Troubadours rule, especially down the stretch!

It was just three years ago
A game you losers all know
He was the Empire, me the Elways
But the result was far beyond gay.
Now I get another chance
To make the Scofflaws piss their pants
Now’s the time for humiliation
Before I enjoy a winner’s adulation

Chorus
If I can just get out of the semi-finals
Without losing my quarterback
I’ll take it to the winner’s circle
To prove what you fuckers lack lack lack

Here’s a little tip for you Rob
When you feel in your ass a corn cob
Just relax and let it in
Sit on back and accept my win.
If you try you might enjoy it
Don’t tell me it doesn’t quite fit
We won’t need to use no grease
Because you’re lubed up from defeat

Chorus

When you think back on this year
And you wipe away that single tear
You were beaten by your better
By my skill your play was fettered.
Don’t worry, little princess
You did well in games that meant less
You can sit and watch me next week
As I beat a Jew or future medic.

Chorus

Troubadours, V

Sadly, I'm no longer undefeated. I wouldn't care, except the person I lost to has neither skill nor balls. I decline to mention his name directly, lest he get an even bigger head than he already has. This week, in spite of Rob's moral agenda against reading this blog, here's a little tune set to Freddy Fender's Wasted Days and Wasted Nights. Fuck all of you.

Though you're too gay to read this
Your mouth too full of piss
Sitting outside on your porch
Taking a bone from your own dog.

How is Otis at loving you
Does he tease you till you're blue
Do you see after you came
That I'm not to blame
For making you lose.

Don't you remember the game
That we had to play for the title?
I played so poorly
But now I'm gonna own ye
You bitch....

[repeat the second verse until you can't stand the thought of Rob fucking his dog]