(New York)--Giants quarterback Eli Manning threw two touchdowns Sunday in a victory over the Buccaneers in Tampa, taking the Giants to 3-0 on the season. Reached for comment, Manning remarked, "I saw a kitty from the bus!"
"I like kittys, and balloons too!" said Manning later. "I wanted to see the kitty some more but Mommy said I should just get in my PJs and get ready for sleepytime."
Eli's wife, Abby, was sympathetic yet stern. "Please don't call me 'Mommy,' Eli, we have company," she said tenderly.
"Eli's a kind man, but he gets easily excited by things like candy and sparkling objects," Abby said. "Eli--or Mealticket, as I sometimes call him--needs focus and direction, like so many gifted athletes."
"I only wish he was physically gifted in other areas," she added sadly. "Does anyone here want to finger-fuck me? Eli's got his Juice Box and should be distracted for a few minutes trying to open it."
Manning spends most of his spare time with his friend Steelers quarterback "Cuddly" Ben Rothlisberger. The pair spend countless hours studying still photos of plays from the previous weeks' games and finding their favorite Teletubbies in the formations.