NFL Tweets Of The Week Sept. 19

This week lets take a look at some jawing between former Patriot Rodney Harrison and current J-e-t-s Jets Jets Jet Kerry Rhodes. Apparently Rodney is trying to do the media thing now, he's got some gig with ESPN. On Friday he appeared on one of the ESPN radio shows and talked a little smack about Kerry. As far as I can tell, Rodney then responded to a question/smack talk posed to him via Twitter. Before that posting though, it is important to take a look at the post the directly preceded Rodney going on the radio and talking smack about Kerry and the J-E-T-S.

Rodneyh37The Patriots won't go into a war of words with any team, they hear everything and then use it to play better on Sunday.2:30 PM Sep 17th from web
Notice the time stamp. I think this was directly before doing the radio show. Then, and I am speculating here, someone tweets Rod something about what he said about Kerry and the Jets prompting this response.
Kerry Rhodes is not really a tough guy, i saw him pass on plenty of tackles... i want to see what kind of game he brings Sunday.1:52 PM Sep 18th from web
Alas, it is a small twitter world after all. Kerry responded to the smack.
kerryrhodesI'm detecting a lil jealousy from @rodneyh37 he must wish he was playing 2morrow. My talent outweighs his ask belichick.2:14 PM Sep 18th from web
And off we go!
kerryrhodesI'm so ready to play I put tommorow mean sunday!2:16 PM Sep 18th from web
Rodneyh37@kerryrhodes Kerry, you talk big for someone who has yet to even win in the playoffs you think you will ever accomplish what i accomplished?3:35 PM Sep 18th from web
kerryrhodes@Rodneyh37 r u playing sunday? i respect ur game but u crossed line. and i never talk smack u started it. i kno u respect my game! Tweet it!
Rodneyh37@kerryrhodes I definitely respect your game on the field Kerry, but i didn't appropriate what you said about the Patriots its disrespectful.
Rodneyh37@kerryrhodes And even though i respect your game, you do have flaws and i have seen you pass on tackles and not always been physical.
kerryrhodes@Rodneyh37 u being someone who played the game knows the media runs it i said we are gonna try to embarrass them! lol u should respect that
kerryrhodes@Rodneyh37 and i told u i respect ur game and u have flaws 2 lol. and so does ed reed! thats a given.
Rodneyh37@kerryrhodes The talk about Brady's knees and promising to hit him more than 6 times is what hit a nerve did you ever come back from...
Rodneyh37a surgery like that? no wonder you have no idea what kind of impact your words have for certain players who went through rehab.
kerryrhodes@Rodneyh37 see and thats my point i never ever said anything about hitting his knees! lol r u serious you know i dont play that way!
kerryrhodesok everyone that was fun but now i have to go back to studying for this weekends game! im gone let my twitter fam handle the rest!about 23 hours ago from web

Cthulhu Perfune

Not that I care about Lovecraft, but given last's year theme on the blog, I thought this actual product would be appropriate for a post.

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/09/eau_de_cthulhu.php

This is a True Story

So a sorority has asked me to give an inspirational "Last Lecture" talk. This means I am supposed to be inspirational. What kind of advice do you gentlemen suggest I give these young women? Stay away from my little brother? Don't sit in a barber chair when Michael Irvin wants a trim?

Presented without Comment

Tackled in the Infield!

It's really too bad we don't live in the richest fucking country in the world. It'd be nice if we could afford to play football in football stadia. But sadly, no.

Daryl's Self-Portrait

I think this says it all. Poor bastard. Or bitch. Or whatever s/he is.

My Eyes! My Eyes!

Are those orange and white striped referee uniforms intended to humiliate them? Is this punishment for the Ed Hochulis of the world? And why isn't Hochuli doing this game?

Also

Does Tampa Bay even have a pass defense?

Sport Coats

Am I the only one who thinks its fantastic that CBS still makes their sportscasters wear cheesy sport coats with the CBS emblem on them?

NFL Tweets Of The Week Sept. 12

For our first installment of tweets of the week let's take a look at Donte Stallworth and Nick Barnett.

You all know Donte from an unfortunate incident this year. Expect to hear more about that in the forthcoming Criminal Gridiron Hero, the sequel to last year's Drunken Gridiron Hero. Donte is going to have plenty of time this season to watch movies. Let's follow along as he discovers 'The Usual Suspects' for the first time.

D_Stallworth18 Don't laugh @ me but i'm watching the movie USUAL SUSPECTS..... for the 1st time!!! LOL

D_Stallworth18 Couldn't help but notice the beautiful shot of the towers after they jacked the "NYPD taxi service" incident :-/

D_Stallworth18 Ok, this Kaiser Soze character is becoming real interesting!!! Hmmm...

D_Stallworth18 Aaaaaww man they off'd my dude Fenster... DAMN!!!

D_Stallworth18 OMG!!! why am I just now watching this movie for 1st time... Verbel leaving police station now... This is movie is CRAZY

D_Stallworth18 WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!! WTH!!!!!! U gotta be kidding me right?!? WOW I gotta watch that AGAIN... & AGAIN!!! that's crazy...

Yes Donte, it's crazy alright.

Now on to Nick Barnett, linebacker for the Green Bay Packers. It seems that Nick is a believer in the power of socks, so he decides to go to Dick's Sporting Goods. While on his shopping trip to gets socks and seizing the opportunity to make some dick jokes along the way, something went terribly awry.

NickBarnett Am bout to go to dicks and find me some better socks lol socks are very important believe it or not lol

NickBarnett It's kinda of wired to have the name dick right? When am in a bar (which am hardly ever in ;-)) when people ask my name they often confuse

NickBarnett It with dick lol

NickBarnett RT @tke790: @NickBarnett my wifes grandfather's name is Dick Seaman - no joke.

NickBarnett My dog has ran away I can not find him :-(.. Am worried hopefully he is safe

NickBarnett I only have video of him... He was last seen east depere if you hear any info please let me know.. I feel like http://tweetreel.com/?xb2gz

NickBarnett Here was last seen in 57 around scottchwood, oldplank... Just got a call from police.. Sorry to be using Twitter for this

NickBarnett Hopefully a local news station can help

NickBarnett He's a nice dog no need to be scared of him Last seen in depere Wi, off the 57 near oldplank WI please retweet http://twitpic.com/h9i0c

And the next day:

NickBarnett I was hoping to wake up and see my dog outside.. I hope I get a call that he is ok yoday

NickBarnett Just left the stadium.. On my way to post signs... I feel someone dognapped my dog

NickBarnett Well just posted 100 signs hopefully sethkng pops up... Thanks everyone for your help

NickBarnett Called humane society they are not very helpful.. They tell just come down and look

NickBarnett Well I take back what I said about humane society :-) a nice lady from green leaf found my simba... Mufasa is very happy :-) no stampede

Pshew...tragedy averted.

Team Logo Builder

Austin Anschluss Team Logo (prototype)

Well. You have to be signed into Yahoo!, and it's brought to you by Toyota (who else? wait. what?), but this:

Team Logo Builder

has possibilities.

I mean, right?

NFL Tweet Of The Week: Pre-Season Edition

I've become so enamored with Twitter, that I want to make something useful out of the time I spend on it. I'll be posting at least one tweet every week, probably on Monday, from someone involved in the NFL. Now...I know that VeryFakeAlDavis is actually a writer for some internet football publication, but its too funny to disqualify for being a fake account.

VeryFakeAlDavis If Jeff Garcia isn't going to sing to Oompa Loompa song, he can't be on the roster. Simple as that.

Ancillary League Offering

Gentlemen of the Handlebar Football Consortium:

There is a specter haunting Fantasy Football. The hegemony of being good has for too long overwhelmed us; a corrective is natural, necessary, and imminent.

Please join us in the new glorious Revolution: The Zero-Sum League.

In this league, the goal is to field the worst team possible. Points are subtracted where they would normally be awarded, e.g. a rushing touchdown nets you -6 points.

Conversely, you are rewarded for incompetence. Sacked for a loss? 2 points. Miss a short field goal? 5 Points.

And so forth. Just imagine you're planning like this gentleman:

Figure 1: Josh McDaniels wonders how else he can fuck up the perennial playoff contender he inherited. I'm saying: spread offense. Or maybe an option/zone-read. They'll never see that coming. Who's his quarterback again?

Every team will field 5 QBs, 6 WRs, 6 RBs, 4 TEs, 2 Ks, and 2 Team DEFs.

There is no bench.

Will you go for all backup QBs...if you can? Or do you take McFadden and hope he throws three picks? Maybe Favre gets hurt; do you really want to start Jackson? What if he plays? The possibilities are staggering.

Injured players are not allowed on active rosters.

You should all have an invitation in the inbox of the Yahoo mail account you use for the league.

(The password is: null)

Hope you all will join--it should be fun.

Oh, and Revolution, and stuff.

Sator Arepo
Univ of Phoenix Jamz!11! 1 !

--Translation from German version follows (worth reading [there, indeed, is no bank])--

Lords of the handlebar Football Consortium:

It is a ghost of Fantasy Football. The hegemony to be good for too long has overwhelmed us, a course correction is imminent and immediate need.

Please visit us in the new Glorious Revolution: The Zero-Sum League.

In this league is the goal, the worst possible team field. Points are deducted when they are normally granted, such as a rushing touchdown networks to -6 points.

Conversely, you are rewarded for incompetence. Sacked for a loss? 2 points. Miss a short field goal? 5 points.

And so on. Imagine you are planning, as this gentleman:

Figure 1: Josh McDaniels wonders how he normally to fuck the perennial playoff contender, he can be inherited. I say, spread offense. Or perhaps an option / zone read. You will see that never come. Who's quarterback again?

Each team will QBs 5, 6 WRs, 6 RBS, 4 time staff, 2 K's box, and 2 team DEFS.

There is no bank.

Will you go for all the backup QBs ... if you can? Or keep McFadden and hope he throws three notes? Perhaps Favre gets hurt, do you really start to Jackson? What if he plays? The possibilities are enormous.

Injured players are not allowed on the active duty rosters.

They should all have an invitation to the entrance of the Yahoo mail account you use for the league.

(Das Passwort ist: null)

Join Hope you all are - it should be fun.

Oh, and revolutionary, and stuff.

Sator Arepo
University of Phoenix Jamz! 11! 1!

For the Crackers, For Upcoming First Game of Foot Balls

Liebste Herr Cracker,

Anfangs waren wir verwirrt: Capes? Städte? Crackers? Welchen Sinn hat das?

[At first we were confused: Capes? Cities? Crackers? What sense does it?]



Ein wenig Recherche erste war erforderlich.

[A little research first was necessary. ]

Nun ist es klar: Sie sind mit der Collage-machen, ja? Wie alt Dadaisten. Das ist gut: dieses gestorbenen dekorative entartete Kunst ist keine Bedrohung mehr für uns.

[Now it is clear that you are familiar with the collage, yes? How old Dadaists. That's good: this defunct degenerate decorative art is no longer a threat to us.]

Bitte, das ist in Ordnung. Fahren Sie mit diesem Nebeneinander von unabhängigen dumme Dinge. Ihre Kunst durcheinander sicher spiegeln eine Schlamperei des Geistes. Bald werden Sie als Anhang beigefügt werden, und aus reinem.

[Please, this is in order. Take this juxtaposition of unrelated stupid things. Your art certainly reflect a sloppy mess of the mind. Soon you will be annexed, and pure.]

Herr S. Arepo
Austin Anschluß

Lyrad, The Kickers We Are Back Trading?

Herr Lyrad,

Wir sind zufällig Swapping Die Kickers, ja?

Dies ist nicht akzeptabel natürlich auch für unser exzellentes Team. Bitte um Handel ihn zurück. Ich bin dieser Verdacht Mason Crosby zu haben ... dekadenten Elemente, wie Sie es sagen, ja?

[Mr. Lyrad,

We accident swapping the kickers, right?

This is not acceptable, of course, for our excellent team. Request for trading him back. I have this suspicion Mason Crosby to ... decadent elements, as you say it, yes?]

Your team I believe to be made mostly of the girl players.

Not even these will help you

The Inland Ileus is unstoppable in its capacity to "stop you up".

In what round will you take your "back up" "tight end"?

Will the German blaggarts take their humble pie "a la commode"?

Will Chumley be able to give victims of the Ileus treatment advice?

(Thanks to fiftysomethingwomen.com for the picture).

So...uhhh...

Are we getting a new guy? I know that Rob had a player for us...I think that anyone can invite a player to the league, it doesn't have to be Goodelstein.

Draft day rapidly approaches...

Favre Is Bassoon Also, Ja?

Ich weiß nicht, wie werden Sie sagen, dass mit Ihren amerikanischen Fußbälle. Für uns, Fuß-Ball wird mit den Füßen, ja? So dass diese Imagination Fußball ist für mich ein Ding, was neu ist, werden.

[I do not know how will you say that with your American footballs. For us, the foot-ball with their feet, yes? So this Football Imagination for me is a thing that is new will.]

Ich habe gerade Ihr ESPNs für die gute Information - das ist richtig, ja? Von diesem ... diese vorläufige Uhr Ich bin Erhebung, dass dieser Mann ist am besten Fuß Ball Spieler in Nord-und Südamerika.

[I have just read your ESPN for the good information - that's right, yes? From this ... this preliminary survey clock I am that this man is the best foot ball player in North and South America.]

Abbildung 1: Favre mit anderen Menschen Kontakt

Die besten Fußballer müssen dann auf das Team der Anschluss. Dies kann nicht geholfen werden. Er von seinem Namen ist vielleicht Französisch? Dies wird nicht ein Problem für uns.

[The best footballers have to be on the team of the Annex. This can not be helped. He, by his name is French, perhaps? This is not a problem for us. ]

Durch die Art, wie er ist, mit anderen Menschen, so scheint es, dass, wie Sie sagen, er ist vielleicht ein Fagott?

[By way he is with other man, it seems that, as you say, he is perhaps a bassoon?]

Abbildung 2: Ein Fagott

Ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob Wort übersetzt werden. Wie Sie Ihre Lyrad, er mag die ... die Männer, ja?

[I am not sure that word to be translated. How your Lyrad, he likes to ... the men, yes? In the mouth?]


Ich denke Fagott, bitte korrigieren Sie mich, wenn dies nicht stimmt.

[I think bassoon, please correct me if this is not true.]

Overheard at last nights poker game/informal fantasy football meeting...

"It was sadness for you, that is all!" - Daryl, on the occasion of winning a pot

and

"C'mon Daryl, you should re-buy one more time...its only 9:30" - at about 10:45

and

"C'mon Daryl, you should re-buy one more time...its only 8:30" - at about 11:45

Look Please to Polska for Example

Nur die sieben Tage noch bis zum Phantasie Draft. Bitte keine Angst Anschluss. Look: Polen haben wir im Anhang, und sie haben noch Kätzchen auf Briefmarke!

[Only seven days until the Imagination draft. Please do not be afraid connection. Look: Poland, we have in the notes, and they have yet to stamp Kittens!]
Sie sind gut! Und Katze ist immer noch süß, nicht Angst. Ja?

[You are good! And cat is still sweet, not afraid. Yes?]

10th Man...

Who are we gonna get?

You know my feelings, anyone in the league has to make a real effort to play every week. As in check your roster for injuries or bye weeks, every week. No giving games away because of laziness or any other reason. It fucks up the league, in my opinion. If someone signs up, they need to plan on spending 15 minutes a week setting their roster. Every week. For 17 weeks.

Death or deep coma are acceptable excuses. Too busy, loss of interest, vaginal trauma or mild coma: not acceptable.

Also, it would be nice if it was someone most of us are acquainted with.

Greetings Future Annexees

Ja und nein, so dass nur die verbleibenden Tage bis zum Entwurf der Phantasie. Als die am heiligen zionistischen Ramadan Urlaub.

Sie werden keine Angst, die Annexion (was wir als "Anschluss" ja?) Werden angenehm und gar nicht gezwungen - wir nur den WINS-Anlage wird.

Ich bin sicher, Sie sind alle vorausschauenden Aussagen zu glorreichen Anhang.

--Herr S.A.
Austin Anschluss

---------------------------

For you, a translation here is:

---------------------------

Yes and no, so that only the remaining days until the draft of the imagination. As the Zionist holy Ramadan holiday.

You will not fear, the annexation of (what we call "connect" yes?) Be pleasant and not at all forced - we have only the WINS system is.

I am sure you are all looking forward to glorious annex.

Herr S.Arepo
Austin Anschluss

I'm friends with Marty B and you're not...

And I can prove it. He's twittered me once and re-tweeted me once. It was awesome. I had to have cigarettes afterwards.

First, I sent him a link to an article in The Dallas Morning News that was complimentary of him.

MartyBTVRT @jongillespie: @MartyBTV DMN actually said some nice things about the Cowboys... http://bit.ly/CpGPO

Then tonight, he was on the team plane and twittering, He didn't know if they had landed in Oakland or Sna Fran. I noticed Marcus Dixon had been tweeting too, so I sent Marty (I call him that) a tweet:

@MartyBTV You in Oakland! RT@marcusdixon92 Getting ready to land in Oakland. Ready to take care of business. God Bless

(btw, Marcus is always blessing people)

And he sent this in return...

MartyBTV@jongillespie that fool don't know shit lol
about 3 hours ago from TwitterFon in reply to jongillespie

So there you have it, Marty B and Jonny G are TIGHT!

Vote!

Check out the discussion on rule changes and vote. It's the American way.

Suggestions for scoring changes

Fantasy Football Rulzzzz!!1!!!

Polls:

To waiver or not to waiver? Click here to vote.

Big D? Click here to vote.

What fantasy team will be the first to pick him up?

Mike Vick is doing 60 Minutes this Sunday with JB...

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/08/10/60minutes/main5231257.shtml

Fantasy Football Rulzzzz!!1!!!

Here are Rob's suggestions/rebuttals to the Dipso's suggestions:

I am fine w/ the Dipso's proposed offensive & defensive rule changes. I am also fine w/ the way it is now

I heartily disagree w/ the suggestion to start utilizing waivers. Part of the gamesmanship of this league is being able to react quickly to players showing up on the free agent market. We are all busy, so the advantage goes to whomever makes the time to check frequently. You have to invest time in the league to be successful. I have been on both ends of the equation - I have certainly lost out on my fair share of sleepers because I snoozed. I think the way it is now is both fun and fair.

I also like the bench size the way it is. I like choices. Don't feel as strongly about this issue though. If the decision is to shrink I will deal.

And, once again, I will make my pitch to increase the point value for safeties. 2pts for clearly the coolest play in football? C'mon! The Barbara Eden ref signal alone is worth a couple of points. Also goes to JJ's point about beefing up defensive scoring. A safety should net your team D (and/or IDP if it can work that way)at least 5 if not 7 points. I'm just sayin' is all.

I most strongly agree about the waiver wire. I've played with both and I certainly like the no-wire experience better. All I'll add against it is the waiver wire allows people who don't pay any attention to little known players to hawk a team's shrewd move.

I'm always for increasing the value of defenses and IDPs, so great. And the safety deal is cool with me, too. We've always tried to have points coincide with those on the field, but it doesn't matter to me at this point.

I also like Jon's suggestions of increasing bonus points, but we have to make their occurrence more rare. I am against shrinking the benches; I'm a man who likes options and it certainly does not keep me from making roster moves.

I'm happy with everything else...except there's still no word from Chumley. WTF!!!!1111!!!

Anschluß

Gott hat nummeriert die Tage dein Reich und brachte es zu Ende, Sie sind auf der Waage gewogen und befunden, dein Reich wird geteilt und auf die Medes und Perser.

Suggestions for scoring changes

Regarding Individual Defense Players:
I want to give the defense a little more ooomph. Our offense scoring is rather high octane. but I feel the defense has not kept up, having 2 point sacks and 3 point interceptions. A pass defended is 1.5 points but a solo tackle is 1 point. That seems backward to me.

My suggestion is 4 point sacks, 4 point interceptions and 1 point pass defended. Solo tackles should be 1.5 or 2 points, while leaving assists at .5 points.

Regarding Team Defense/Special Teams:
I would suggest bumping sacks up to 1.5 or 2, while leaving interceptions and fumble recoveries at 3. Touchdowns are currently worth 8 points, which was likely my suggestion back in the day...I dunno I guess 8 works, but if a TD is 8 a safety outta be at least 4. I think allowing 21-27 points outta be negative 1.

Regarding Kickers:
Looks good to me...

Regarding Offense:
My only suggestion would be to alter the bonus points. Throwing for 350 yards is an accomplishment, but it is only rewarded with 2 points. I'd rather see something like 300 yards being worth 3 points. The other bonus stats seem okay to me...sorta.

Regarding Bench Size:
It seems kinda big to me. Remember that a smaller bench forces players to make moves and do more adding and dropping and trading. Which brings me to waivers...

I want to use waivers this year. Not using waivers benefits players who can monitor thr league and snipe good players that may be released...And I also think waivers are generally more fair to use...

What do other teams think? We need your input...

---Dallas Dipsomaniacs

These are the stat modifiers...

Offense	League Value
Completions	1
Passing Yards	40 yards per point; 2 points at 350 yards
Passing Touchdowns	6
Interceptions	-6
Sacks	-2
Rushing Yards	15 yards per point; 2 points at 125 yards
Rushing Touchdowns	6
Receptions	1
Reception Yards	15 yards per point; 2 points at 100 yards
Reception Touchdowns	6
Return Yards	15 yards per point; 2 points at 125 yards
Return Touchdowns	6
2-Point Conversions	2
Fumbles Lost	-3
Offensive Fumble Return TD	6
Kickers	League Value
Field Goals 0-19 Yards	3
Field Goals 20-29 Yards	3
Field Goals 30-39 Yards	3
Field Goals 40-49 Yards	4
Field Goals 50+ Yards	5
Field Goals Missed 0-19 Yards	-4
Field Goals Missed 20-29 Yards	-3
Field Goals Missed 30-39 Yards	-2
Field Goals Missed 40-49 Yards	-1
Point After Attempt Made	1
Point After Attempt Missed	-3
Defense/Special Teams	League Value
Sack	1
Interception	3
Fumble Recovery	3
Touchdown	8
Safety	2
Block Kick	3
Return Yards	15 yards per point; 2 points at 125 yards
Kickoff and Punt Return Touchdowns	8
Points Allowed 0 points	12
Points Allowed 1-6 points	8
Points Allowed 7-13 points	4
Points Allowed 14-20 points	0
Points Allowed 21-27 points	0
Points Allowed 28-34 points	-4
Points Allowed 35+ points	-8
Defensive Players	League Value
Tackle Solo	1
Tackle Assist	.5
Sack	2
Interception	3
Fumble Force	2
Fumble Recovery	3
Defensive Touchdown	6
Safety	2
Pass Defended	1.5
Block Kick	3

New Draft Time! New League Rules?

The draft time has been tentatively moved up a few hours to 4:30 PM CST, Saturday, August 22, so watch out for that. Email me jacobeckber@yahoo.com if this is bad for you.

Also, please take the time to review the league rules. They are unchanged from last year at this time, but are subject to review. Any thoughts?

VeryFakeAlDavis

@VeryFakeAlDavis is just about the funniest shit on the internets. Whomever it is writing the tweets makes me laugh out loud at a silent computer screen.

http://twitter.com/VeryFakeAlDavis

Here's a few examples:

Watching practice, Cable is a genius. University of Idaho has to be wondering how they let this guy slip away...

That Sam Waterston is really going after Plaxico...

Shark Week was better when it was just a radio show.

Rahm Emmanuel just swore at me for 5 straight minutes. I told him to pipe down and put President Van Buren on the phone.

@BernardGoldberg Also, you two need to discuss liberal media's bias against people who build machines to control the weather.

Goodell just said playing in the NFL is a privilege, not a right, which is what my dad used to say about fingers

Last time I was at Comic Con everyone got polio.

Regrets? Well, losing Napoleon Kaufman to God was a tough one. I thought our offer was competitive...

I don't understand what the big deal is--I refer to myself as a "wise latina" six, seven times a day.

When I saw that coup in Honduras all I could think was: Tegucigalpa Raiders

I feel for Romo--this is just like the time I broke off my affair with Mary Todd Lincoln.

Draft Stuff

Jacob and I just got back from Wyoming, so that's why nothing's been done.

Our original draft date of the 16th is out...Erik's someplace. What's the best day for everybody. I'm open to whatever, but would prefer the weekend. I'd like at least two weeks between the draft and the start of the season.

We need a 10th member. If we can't find somebody by draft day, I'll draft the team as I did for Matter last year.

Tony, Chumley, and Matter continue to lollygag. Whoever gets in touch with them first wins a special "Daryl" surprise the next time I see you.

Good luck, you fucking bastards. Here's a tip, chumps: I guarantee Kyle Orton as a #1 pick...fuck you....

Lyrad Simool's Ramblin' Shamblin' Dogfight Gamblin' Tub Jug Band

Does he make a team this year?

Is this good newz or bad newz?

Draft Date

When is a good draft for people?

Oh huh...

So is anyone here? Hello?...

I want to change my blogger account shit over to my other more useful and integrated into my other shit gmail address, gillespie.jonathan@gmail.com, so please re-invite me using that shit right there.

I always like discussing the scoring modifiers and team set up before the season starts, cause, you know I like that shit.

Should we do that here?

Go Dispos!

Back to School Joe

1. 

Fuck.

Joe Win!

Full of WIN.

Joe Fail

FAIL

Joe Theismann

Go Theismanns!!!

ScarJo

FloJo

Joe

Joe

"Joe" Topiwala, my boss' dad.

Joe!

Joe?

Joe

My contribution

Joe

Pietro Perugino (ca. 1505)

Sloppy Joe

Okay, Now I'm Just Putting Off Grading Exams

I Just Can't Help Myself Anymore

Best Joe Evar

I defy you to refute me.

Joe (The Plumber)

When will this get too silly? NEVER!

Joe

Joe

Joe

Joe

Go Theismanns!!!

Joe

Eli's Big Adventure

Daaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrryyyyllllllllllllllllllll.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyllllllllllllllllllllll........

Nice job starting Eli over Cassel. You are clearly every bit the football genius that you appear to be.

Better luck next year, loser.

Polish up your yamulke Theismanns. I'm coming for you next.

Is your femur aching with anticipation yet?

Seriously though, go out there and break a leg.

LT

A Corrective

Joe

Go Theismanns!!!

Dip

Fuck You All, I Suck, See You Sunday! (Bonus Pointless Cthulhu Image Included)

Official Handlebar Football Consortium Meeting: Here, Sunday. See you then, losers.

Oh, shit. I'm the loser.

Well, fuck all of you, and bring booze.

Troubadours XIV

So, it's come to this: a semi-final match against my old nemesis. I had dearly hoped this would come next week, but the fates are impatient so forced my loss to Erik two weeks ago to set this up. No matter, this will be beautiful to watch...in front of your face. This playoff-themed number is sung to Guy Clark's "L.A. Freeway." Fuck you all; Troubadours rule, especially down the stretch!

It was just three years ago
A game you losers all know
He was the Empire, me the Elways
But the result was far beyond gay.
Now I get another chance
To make the Scofflaws piss their pants
Now’s the time for humiliation
Before I enjoy a winner’s adulation

Chorus
If I can just get out of the semi-finals
Without losing my quarterback
I’ll take it to the winner’s circle
To prove what you fuckers lack lack lack

Here’s a little tip for you Rob
When you feel in your ass a corn cob
Just relax and let it in
Sit on back and accept my win.
If you try you might enjoy it
Don’t tell me it doesn’t quite fit
We won’t need to use no grease
Because you’re lubed up from defeat

Chorus

When you think back on this year
And you wipe away that single tear
You were beaten by your better
By my skill your play was fettered.
Don’t worry, little princess
You did well in games that meant less
You can sit and watch me next week
As I beat a Jew or future medic.

Chorus

Sigh

Another year, another first round playoff loss.

I am the Dallas Cowboys of our league. Consistent choking in the clutch, dropping of snaps, owners criticizing players' toughness (where the fuck were you all year Anthony Gonzalez you fucking pussy), throwing untimely interceptions, dating ditzy blonde singers with huge breasts, etc., etc.

Like the real Dallas Cowboys I am to a good football team what John Travolta was to real cowboys in Urban Cowboy. A fucking poser.

Also, fuck Steve Smith.

Wendigos on the Warpath

Said Erik:

How many times did the white nations crush a West Indian slave revolt? This game will be one more.

Heh. He must have thought it was White Boy Day. I guess Steve Smith went all Nat Turner on your ass last night, huh?


You're next, Theismann. I'm coming for you like LT.

A Vision of the Future

Go Theismanns!!!

Handicapping the Playoffs

John Madden and I have been taking a close look at this thing, and this is how it shakes out according to our calculations:

If I beat the Dipsos this week, go on to beat the Darylettes next week, and get by the winner of the other bracket the following week, I will be the league champion.

Conversely, were I to lose any of those three games, another team is more likely to wind up as champion, and I would finish at some other ranking.

In order to achieve my goal, it looks like I am going to have to score more points than my opponent in each game. I'm probably talking out of school here a bit (fellow playoff contenders please cover your eyes), but for Bob's sake I will share some of my strategery. What I will try to do each week is field as many players as possible from my team and/or the waiver wire within the constructs of our league's roster requirements who I believe will score the most points at their respective positions. If I am more successful than my weekly opponent the odds will shift heavily in my favor. If not, my chances of success diminish significantly.

That's how Madden and I see it anyway. I could care less what happens to the rest of you.

If'n you ain't first, you're last.

-Brisbane

My Team Sucks; Here is a Cthulhu Image for You Anyway

The Sound of Silence

Anyone else notice how quiet Daryl's been on the blog this week? The loudest silence I've ever heard.

Two words from your regular season champs

Go Theimanns!!!

Sweeping Daryl

Which one of these brooms should I use to sweep out Daryl? He just can't beat his big brother. I'm so in his head, it's crazy. He's lost 3 times this year. Twice to me. His team might be better, I don't know. But I do know he can't beat me. I believe he is 0-4 against me in my 2 years in this league.

It's not just fantasy either. I routinely beat the shit out of Daryl in Madden. I don't even have a video game system at home, but Daryl, despite his supposed tough blitzing defense and fullback runs, loses to me about 2 out of every 3 games. It's been this way since we were kids. It's even more pronounced now. For all Daryl practices and claims to have figured out new strategies, I still pick him to death.

Poor Daryl. Does it feel bad to have such a superior big brother? I know it was hard growing up in my shadow. It must still be hard. I feel so bad for you. Don't we all feel bad for Daryl?

My Team

If you didn't get it:

My team is a steaming pile of shit.

You're welcome.